February 11, 2013 by somesauceontheside
There is no better feeling in the world than to give with no expectations. It really is a gift to yourself. It expands your heart and opens you up to a world of love, compassion and kindness. I spent the bulk of my life afraid of getting close to people, afraid of getting hurt or rejected. When I decided to get help so that I could heal my own wounds it opened my world to relationships that I never thought possible.
I have stumbled many times on this path. Sometimes fear takes hold or I start to judge someone without knowing their path. I try to find ways through out the day to practice being selfless. The concept of paying it forward is such a beautiful one.
I was picking up a Coffee traveler at Starbucks on my way to work right before Christmas and saw the cutest little girls with their mom in front of me. The older of the two girls asked their mom if they could have cocoa and she told them she couldn’t afford it. I started to have a super judgmental conversation in my head about why this mom was getting a triple whip venti soy blah blah blah and couldn’t get her kids a $1.50 cocoa. My first instinct was to say something but then I thought to myself what am I doing? I was up next and got the Coffee traveler and 2 hot cocoa with whip cream and told the Starbucks gal to give it to the little girls. The smiles on their faces stayed with me for the rest of the day.
While I was waiting for my Coffee traveler I started to think about what a shit I was to my mom when I was a kid. Oh my that sweet woman put up with a mess of nonsense from me. Isn’t it strange how the mind brings up random memories at the most inconvenient times. I think I was about 10 and my sister was 6, my parents took us to the bowling alley and dad was about 3 pitchers of beers in. They had this little eating/bar area where they had some yummy looking milkshakes. My sister and I wanted to see if my dad would get one for us to share. He gruffly told us no and ordered another pitcher of beer. A table of older gentleman must have overheard and felt bad for us because we were soon sitting down sharing a milkshake. The kindness of complete strangers.
So here I am waiting for my Coffee traveler and I have tears rolling down my face looking like a crazy person. But you know what, that is so much better than the alternative…pushing my feelings aside and just treading water, just existing.
Whatever you do, know that you cannot do everything, but you can do something. Smile and enjoy knowing that you are able to make a difference – one you’ll likely remember forever. Stand up for someone. Lend your voice. When someone wants to repay you for something, ask them to pay it forward.